20170628

The Lady's Man - Catriona meets Lord Ochil and Rufus


In this chapter, our heroine is desperately trying to find a job with the help of her friend and her friend's mother. Irene and her mother were taking inventory up to Lord Ochil's castle and hoped that he would consider her as temporary help during the upcoming fair.


Chapter 26   Catriona


“You look very nice,” Irene’s mother said, glancing back at me in the rear view mirror.
“Thanks Mrs. Best,” I replied, “I wore flat shoes so that Lord Ochil would know that I’m not just a useless city girl. I wanted to wear jeans, but decided that a skirt and blouse might make a better first impression.”
 ”Catriona, feel free to call me Heather. Not you Irene, just Catriona.”
“You can’t go wrong with Royal Blue against white,” Heather continued, alluding to my skirt and top.
“Fashionably hemmed just above the knee,” said Irene, “I wish I had legs like yours.”
“Oh, stop it,” I said. “You’re just making fun of me.”
Heather said, “You both look very...”
“Posh,” I said.
“Elegant,” said Irene.
“Suave,” I added.
“Refined,” threw in Irene.
“Neat and tidy,” Mrs. Best concluded.
“That’s it?” Irene asked. “We’re neat and tidy. Not irresistible or divine. Just neat and tidy?”
“Trust me girls, you can’t beat neat and tidy when talking to a Lord, assuming that is, that you do get to speak with him,” said Mrs. Best. He is a very busy man as you might expect. Running an estate is not a job for a lazy person.”
“Doesn’t he own three such estates in Scotland?” asked Irene.
“Indeed he does, but Catriona’s Aunt Emily told me once that he has each of them managed by a separate land agent and only physically checks on them every four weeks or so,” Mrs.. Best said, as she maneuvered the van around a bend. Apparently, most of the time he is simply in telephone contact with the agents in charge.
We rounded a corner and without warning, the castle was in front of us, towering majestically toward the heavens. What an imposing sight. We parked in a spot reserved for guests and waited for the stable lads to carry Lord Ochil’s inventory inside. Agnes, his secretary came out to greet us, hugging Mrs.. Best and shaking our hands.
“Can either of you type, or use a computer to prepare spreadsheets?” Agnes asked in a joking sort of way.
She must have seen the puzzled look on Heather’s face.
“I’m retiring,” Agnes said. “It’s official this time. Twice I let Lord Ochil talk me out of retirement, but not this time. I turn sixty five the Monday after the Fair, and I will not be coerced into staying one day after that. My husband insists that he has me to himself from that day on.”
Agnes’ infectious smile grew ever wider as we all congratulated her. Agnes looked younger than her years, and spoke highly of her boss.
“I can’t let just anybody replace me though, “ Agnes went on. “I need to know I’ve left Lord Ochil in capable hands. I owe him that much.”
“How are your computer skills Catriona?” Heather asked, trying her best to get the ball rolling.
“I used to teach computer skills, but that was only for a year,” I replied.
A look of delight came over Agnes’ face. “You did?” she inquired.
“I was a secretary for a couple of years and took a part time job teaching computer skills at Aberdeen University, to make ends meet when my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend that is, lost his job.”
“Heather,” Agnes announced, “you and Irene can escort the stable lads to the rooms. You know, the ones we always use to store inventory for the Fair.”
”Yes, yes, of course we do,” Irene said, winking at Catriona. Mrs.. Best squeezed my arm, and gave me a well disguised, thumbs up sign.
“What’s your name girl?” Agnes asked, as she watched the pair walk away.
“Catriona, ma’am,” I replied.
 “Catriona, you and I are heading straight to my office.” she said, before grabbing my arm and dragging me off towards the main entrance to the castle.
“I’ve got a good feeling about you Catriona. Agnes stopped to peer into my face. Darned if you don’t remind me of someone, but right now I’m so excited I can’t think straight.”
Once inside the castle, I was so overwhelmed by its immensity, that I didn’t even realize that I had stopped walking and was rooted to the spot, just staring at the huge open hall we had just entered.
Agnes continued walking and talking, unaware that it was to herself. She stopped, turned round and began looking around the great hall herself, as if seeing it for the first time.
“Beautiful, isn’t it. Strange to think that in a few weeks I’ll never gaze upon these walls again.”
“You won’t even visit?” I asked.
“Of course I will,” she said. “What was I thinking. I shall come here for the Fair every year. Some habits are hard to break.”
I admit it, I was a bit scared of getting lost in this... city was what came to mind. A city posing as a castle. Eventually Agnes stopped, took a left through a narrow archway and opened the door at the end of it.
“Here we are, dear,” she said as she ushered me in, “this, is my office.” She stood in the middle of the rather large room, spread her arms wide as if to hug all that was her domain, and had been for the past forty plus years.
I was impressed. The castle may have been hundreds of years old, but this office and its equipment were as modern as its furniture. Top of the line computers, three of them no less adorned three separate desks, each like a clone of the next.
“How many people work in here?” I asked.
“Just me,” Agnes laughed, “Lord Ochil never takes chances that a computer might break down and has to be out of commission until it gets repaired. Not Lord Ochil. He has two back-up computers, and as you can see, no need to set up another one, just switch desks.”
“Wow,” was all I could say.
“Do me a favour Catriona. There is a voice recorder, on the left hand side of that desk,” she pointed a crooked finger to the desk in the middle, “with ear buds sitting next to it.” She tapped her forehead, “I forgot to ask you dear, do you audio type?”
I smiled at Agnes, sat down and arranged the buds comfortably in my ears, and pressed the start button. The recorder had already been in operation and Agnes herself must have been typing out the audio report when we arrived. A man’s rich voice started talking. My fingers flew over the keys as I effortlessly kept up with the pace of his speech. I liked his voice from the start and hoped that it belonged to Lord Ochil.
Agnes clapped when I burst out laughing in the middle of a sentence. I paused the recording.
“I imagine I have to edit as I go?” I asked Agnes.
“Catriona dear, Lord Ochil’s choice of words can get colourful shall we say, and yes, you will indeed have to edit as you go.”
For the next twenty minutes, Agnes puts me through my paces, clapping excitedly as I passed all of her tests.
“That’s enough, dear, that’s enough,” she said, hugging me as I got up out of the chair. “You are going to be my replacement, and I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to find one in such a short time. You do want the job don’t you? Please say yes, Catriona.”
“Doesn’t Lord Ochil get a say in the matter?” I asked.
“No, he doesn’t,” came back the reply. “Say yes and you are my replacement.”
“It’s yes, then,” I said hardly believing how fast fate had handed me this opportunity.
“Come with me,” said Agnes barely able to hide her excitement. “We are going to see Lord Ochil this very minute.”
We wandered out the same way we came in, but turned to the right when we got near to the main hall. As an elderly gentleman passed us, Agnes attempted to stop him.
“Have you seen his Lordship?” she asked.
“He’s feeding Rufus,” the man replied, without breaking stride.
“Rufus?” I asked.
“You’re going to love Rufus,” said Agnes as she stopped by a huge arched door and knocked.
“Come in,” said the rich voice that had been on the audio tape.
What confronted me was almost comical. The biggest Irish Wolfhound I had ever set eyes on, was standing on its hind legs. His massive front paws were perched on top of the shoulders of a man with his back to us, his large slender head looking down at his owner. It appeared to all intents and purposes as if he was smiling at his master. When Rufus barked, the man looked round. Rufus nonchalantly disengaged himself from the man who was indeed Lord Ochil. The huge dog walked over to me cocking his big head to one side. I was used to going down on one knee to pet dogs, but there was no need for that with Rufus. I took his massive, hairy head in my hands. As I scratched behind both ears, the huge animal groaned his appreciation.
“You’re looking at your new secretary your Lordship,” Agnes said, without further ado. “Although I hate to admit it, she may well be better than old Agnes, here.”
Lord Ochil smiled and extended his hand to me. I accepted his handshake and we stood there, staring at each other. No words were exchanged. His face looked confused for a second as he gazed at mine. His eyes started to blink rapidly, then mist up. He raised his hand as if to touch my face, then gently dropped it back to his side.
“She’ll do perfectly Agnes,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. Without another word, he strode past me and out of the room. Rufus trailed behind his master, head down sensing his pain.
“Did I do something wrong, Agnes?”
“Not at all child... wait here a minute, dear, I’ll be right back.”
Agnes flew out of the room as if she was twenty and not almost sixty five. I was at a loss. Rufus seemed to like me, that couldn’t be all bad. Agnes spoke highly of me and yet... it looked like he wanted to... to weep. His eyes were full. Something about me had upset him, that much was obvious, but what?
I sat down in a huge armchair, my head hanging dejectedly, staring at my hands in my lap. I really wanted this job. I looked up as Agnes returned, followed by Lord Ochil.
I jumped to my feet. “I-I’m sorry, sir... if I upset you,” I said, wringing my hands together.
“Good heavens no, child,” he replied. “It was just the thought of losing Agnes, after all of the years that we have spent in each other’s company. To tell you the truth, I was rather hoping to persuade her to stay. I was successful twice before wasn’t I, Agnes?”
“Twice but not thrice your Lordship. I’ve suffered enough for one lifetime,” she joked. “I’m going to leave you in Catriona’s very capable hands.”
“If she meets your standards Agnes, she must be good. Welcome aboard Catriona. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
Gone was the strange behavior his Lordship had exhibited not three minutes ago. His eyes were dry, if a little red, and they were smiling now.
“Th-Thank you, sir,” I stammered, relieved.
Agnes nudged me gently in the ribs. “It’s my lord,” she said under her breath.
“What’s my Lord?” I said, confused.
Agnes smiled at me and whispered, “It’s my lord, not sir.”
“Oh crud, ” I said, “I’m so sorry, sir... for calling you sir... my Lord.”

Lord Ochil’s chuckle came from deep inside his chest. “She’s perfect Agnes, as are you.”
“Thank you, my Lord,” Agnes said, digging me in the ribs again.
 I could feel his eyes following our progress, as Agnes took me back to the main hall. Before joining the other’s, she informed me that she wanted me to start Monday morning, at seven a.m. sharp, as Lord Ochil was a very early riser.
“It will give me plenty of time to bring you up to speed. There are many things you need to know as assistant to Lord Ochil.
As we neared Irene and her mother, they were both staring at me, eyebrows raised. I gave a brief nod and flashed a grateful smile. Agnes said her goodbyes, and headed back into the castle.
“We finished offloading the stuff fifteen minutes ago Cat, so, what happened?” Irene asked, linking her arm through mine.
I pulled away and addressed Mrs. Best in a rather condescending voice. “You really must keep the peasants away from people of a loftier status. The personal secretary to Lord Ochil can’t be seen fraternizing with the local populace.”
“Aagh!” screamed Irene, “ no way, are you kidding me?”
Irene’s mother laughed at our antics. “You must have made one heck of an impression in what must have been less than half an hour.”
I will tell you both all about it on the way back to Aunt Em’s,” I said, barely able to contain my excitement.
For some reason I chose not to mention his reaction to me when he and I first shook hands. I probably misinterpreted the whole thing anyway. He had never set eyes on me before, of that I was almost certain. No, I have to believe that it was the imminent departure of his trusted assistant and possible confidant that was responsible for his behavior.
As Heather’s van started to put distance between us and the castle, I related every detail to my friend and her mother. I even mentioned the fact that it was Agnes that gave me the job and not Lord Ochil.
”So you never got to speak to Lord Ochil?” asked Irene.
“Actually, I did, but only after Agnes had given me the thumbs up,” I remarked casually.
“Really?” said Irene, her eyes wide.
“He’s a quite wonderful man, isn’t he?” said Heather.
“Wonderful," I agreed.
“I’m going to have to learn how to address nobility now,” I said, to nobody in particular. “We actually had to learn all of that at our high school, as a project. Talking about high school, there was this one boy, Daniel, a pale scrawny youth with a crew cut and a cheeky grin. I had a terrible crush on him, and he thought it was all rather cute. I was built like a twig, with a short hairstyle. I think he was three or four years older than me. The only reason we shared a classroom once a week was because there was an end of term school dance rehearsal involving all year groups. I remember there was one weekend, about midday, I was picking blackberries for my mother, and Daniel came limping past me pushing his bicycle. His bicycle tire had burst and he had fallen onto the road, taking the skin off his hands and knees, plus a few cuts.”
“Is this a true story?”
“Irene!” said her mother, “don’t be so quick to disbelieve everything. Carry on, Cat.”
“He looked so dejected that I offered to help him push his bike home. He said he could manage, but I grabbed the bike anyway. The two of us pushed it until I was close to my house. He thanked me, even though he hardly said a word for most of the journey.”
“Doesn’t sound too friendly to me.”
“Irene, give it a rest, please,” Heather said.
“Just saying.”
“He wasn’t unfriendly,” I said. “Just quiet. He knew I had a crush on him, but he never teased me about it.”
“That’s probably because you were the first girl who did.”
“Irene!” exclaimed Heather, unable to keep the exasperation out of her voice.
“Just saying.”
“The day of the school dance came and the boys and girls were paired off as dancing partners. There were about six of us left with no partner. I felt awful. Everybody else was having such fun. Everybody but me and a few others. I remember screwing my eyes shut. I just wanted to slink back home and away from those who could see my embarrassment.”
“Nobody could blame you for that,” said Irene. Her mother sighed and chewed on her bottom lip, but chose to say nothing.
“I had seen a couple of girls approach Daniel and felt sure he had already picked a partner. Imagine my surprise when I felt an unexpected tap on my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, Daniel was smiling down at me. Would you do me the honour of being my partner, he asked.” I paused as my throat started to tighten as I re-lived the moment.
Heather sniffed. “How sweet Catriona. I think I like this Daniel.”
“We danced all night. When the evening was over, little ol’ me was bold enough to kiss him quickly on the cheek before dashing off."
“Oh, you are the reckless one," laughed Irene. Heather couldn’t resist a giggle either.
”You didn‘t check to see how he reacted?” asked Irene. I smiled. “Out with it McCaffery. You checked, didn‘t you?”
”I might have stolen a glance,” I replied.
”And?”
”I‘ve never seen such a pale face turn so red,” I said, exploding into laughter. Heather and Irene burst out laughing simultaneously. The mood in the van was light and cheerful as we neared the coffee shop.   
"This Daniel,” said Irene, “does he really exist, and if he did, do you know where he is now?”
“Good heavens no,” I replied, “but I can tell you this, when he found out that he was moving away from Aberdeen, he wrote me a note. In it, he professed his love for me. Said he’d never forget me, and would love me forever.”
“And to what do you attribute that incredible show of devotion?” asked a skeptical Irene.
 “He had fallen under the McCaffery spell,” I pretended to brag as I fluttered my eyelashes.
“You are so full of it,” said Irene.
“I still have the note,” I said rather smugly.
“No way!” said Irene. “Oh, you can tell some whoppers, Catriona.”
“It’s inside a Valentine’s card he gave to me... along with a tear shaped Crystal pendant... in my room... if you must know.”
“Don’t listen to this deranged woman, mother. Getting this job has addled the poor girl’s brain.”
Heather looked over at me. “I believe her.”
“Thank you Mrs. Best, you are obviously a better judge of character than your jealous daughter.”
“Jealous... jealous you think, really? Okay, I’m jealous, but only if it’s true.”
“I’ll show you the note, and the Valentine’s card,” I said.
“Damn right you will,” she replied.
“Irene!” exclaimed her mother.
“Sorry mum, it slipped out,” said Irene glancing at me and raising her eyes heavenward.
Heather’s van pulled up outside Ye Coffee Shoppe.
“Thanks once again, Mrs. Best,” I said preparing to leave the van.
“Heather," she corrected.
“Thank you Heather."
I was quite aware that her idea to bring me along, was what gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. I stepped out of the van and hesitated. Irene was in the process of exiting out of the other door, when I heard her mother address her.
“And exactly where do you think you are going?”
“Cat’s imaginary love letter, I have to know mother, two minutes I promise.”
“Etta has been holding the fort on her own, for well over an hour. My shop can get really busy as you well know. We are going to relieve the poor girl, Irene.”
“Two minutes mother, please. Two measly minutes, I’m begging you,” said Irene wiggling two of her fingers in front of her mother’s face.”
Irene’s mother looked over at me as if requesting permission for her daughter’s two minutes.
“I think it might take me... three, or maybe even four minutes to locate it... if that’s okay.”
“No,” replied Mrs. Best, “that’s not fair to Etta. Get in the van Irene, you can do this another time.”
Irene looked over at me as if I had stolen the winning lottery ticket from her back pocket. I shrugged my shoulders and gave her one of my very best ‘what can I do’ looks.
“What! But the note.”
“Just not enough time right now, your mother is right, the shop and Etta come first.”
Irene just stood there with a look of total disbelief on her face.
“Get back in the van please, Irene,” her mother said.
“Bye,” I mouthed with a grin on my face.
“You had better find that letter, McCaffery. I’m coming back as soon as I finish work, you have my word on that. I’m bringing Etta with me, as a witness. Find it before I find you.”
“Irene, get in, ” her mother said, in a tone that would not brook disobedience.

I put my fingers to my mouth and blew her a kiss as she stared at me from the van’s rear window. She carried on shaking her fist at me as the van picked up speed and disappeared from view. I was still chuckling at her antics as I entered the coffee shop. I couldn’t wait to break the news to my Aunt.

20170625

Alex B.


Alex Bahscot of Scottish descent, has lived in the Bahamas for several years. It was in the sunny Caribbean climate that a forgotten passion for writing was reignited. Growing up, Alex had a passion for stories of the macabre and the occult. It was only in her late twenties that she took more of an interest in writing Romance.

Her first written work in this genre, was 'Love, Sex and My Ex' which (written in the first person) followed the unusual efforts of Robert Arden, desparately trying to win his ex-wife back. This novella was heavily into the topic of 'out of body' experiences. We briefly meet characters in this book who are destined to be the main characters in her second book.

Her editor tore the book to shreds and suggested a total rewrite, but not because the story wasn't a good one. She loved it, BUT as her editor mentioned, the female protagonist is unlikeable and Alex's use of tenses were better suited to a time traveler (present to past and back in a manner described as effortless) Therefore... a total rewrite it will be.

The Lady's Man, (also written in the first person) is a romance book in excess of 70,000 words touches every emotion felt by men and women, on its way to its conclusion. Humour not being the least of them. A scarred but tenacious Scottish lass (Catriona) leaves a broken relationship to live with her Aunt in a small Scottish village. There she meets Caleb Carter, an up and coming professional golfer, who is the wayward son of a Presbyterian minister. Caleb has broken the hearts of Catriona's childhood friends, and must be made to pay for his sins. Catriona is roped into the plot to exact revenge... but finds herself drawn to the man she is to help punish. Who will she betray? The friends who begged for her help, or the charismatic heart-breaker they have targeted. Catriona finds a job working from a castle in the Scottish Highlands. It is here that tragic secrets are brought to light, by her Aunt, who has more than a few of her own. This tale needs a thorough editing, but Alex has been too busy. When time permits, this book will see the light of day.

Alex decided at this point, that she enjoyed writing novellas more than lengthy books, and chose to write a romantic comedy trilogy, which soon turned into four books and then five, as a prequel was added. Romantic comedy quickly became a favourite.

Dear Roz, (book 1 - Chapter 2) opened with Sue Peoples (a vicious magazine critic) taking square aim at our protagonist, Rozlyn Rook. As well as being the author of a newspaper's 'Agony Aunt' column, Roz runs several two-day workshops. These clinics are designed to teach women how to catch and keep the men of their dreams. Sue joins one of Roz's clinics, for two reasons. Roz must be punished for stealing Sue's boyfriend, and her career must be destroyed in the process. Thrown into the mix, is an English upstart (Nathan Knight) who writes a similar column for a rival newspaper. His advice column is geared towards helping men understand, and deal with women. Roz has never met Nathan, but loathes him as a matter of principle.

When Nathan's friend and chief editor conspired to seat these two columnists together at a charity function, his aim is to see sparks fly between these two. The sparks turn into a firework display. Roz can't believe that she could be attracted to a man she despises. Now she has to deal not only with a woman who wants her professional career cut short, but with an annoying Englishman, who is handing Roz a beating in the one-upmanship game. This is a totally unacceptable situation to Roz. She must deal with both entities, and deal with them, she will.

Dear Roz (book 2) deals with the ever changing relationship between Roz and Nathan. She is incensed that he is stealing her idea, and intends to run similar workshops to herself, only targeting men, looking for their perfect mate. Rozlyn's assistant, Maxine, and Nathan's assistant, Betty, see what their bosses cannot. The two are in love. Between them, Betty and Maxine engineer a test for the two headstrong columnists. Betty's 'Lesbian List of Love' must be completed (unwittingly) by both Roz and Nathan. What happens next? Read the book for yourself, and see.


Dear Roz (book 3) is where the action escalates. Both of our protagonists enjoy playing pranks, and the flair each brings to the table is exposed time and time again. I dare you to keep a straight face as each 'up the anti' in the prank playing stakes. Disaster strikes, however, during one of their workshops. Is their romance nothing more than a shattered dream, or can Maxine and Betty find a way to bring clarity to a situation nobody could possibly have seen coming?

If this book doesn't make you both laugh and cry, ask for a refund. I don't want your money. If however, you fell in love with the characters, and the story itself, please consider leaving a review. Here is the link  The Dear Roz Series Review   and thank you.


Next, Alex had the urge to write a story that has a strange thread of romance running through it.

The Emergency Hotline, is the first novella in what promises to be an interesting series. Steve works as an intermediary between people calling up his  online 'Emergency Hotline' and the professionals who will actually deal with whatever situation is presented. His mother is vacationing in Hungary, and has gone missing. Steve asks his friend Calvin (a bit of a likely lad) to cover for him while he tries to find his mother. Steve explains that the business basically runs itself. He has a Rolodex and a cell phone with all the numbers Calvin needs in order to run the business during his absence. What could possibly go wrong?

Calvin manages to lose both to unusual circumstances, in short order, and now has to answer the calls himself. He conscripts a friend and his friend's girlfriend, to help him in his hour of need. Talk about the inmates taking over the asylum. The first two calls that come into the office phone are from persons contemplating suicide by jumping from tall buildings. How do people with zero professional training cope with such dilemmas? Next comes a call from a seriously wealthy individual, whose mother needs a companion for a few hours while he conducts business which can't be put off. It is only after coming face to face with the gent in question, that the truth is revealed. His mother suffers from multiple personality disorder. Her condition is sparked by whichever room she enters.

Let the fun begin, as Calvin navigates his way through Sylvia's reality. His sense of humor is put to the test on a regular basis. Meanwhile, a stripper (whom he persuaded not to jump to her death) has decided that Calvin is in love with her and is preparing him for marriage. All the while, Calvin has to find a way to earn enough money to replace Steve's expensive cell phone and Rolodex. It's a rollercoaster of a ride with characters that shouldn't be left on their own.



A series of Short Stories in the making, by Alex Bahscot

Out 4 Revenge

Book 1 - A Wife's Revenge
Book 2 - He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
Book 3 - Sister Sister
Book 4 - Two of Everything

The Love Triangle Trilogy

Book 1 - Odd Man Out
Book 2 - Odd Woman Out
Book 3 - Best of Both Worlds

Unfaithful 5

Book 1 - When the Music Stops
Book 2 - Til Death Do Us Part
Book 3 - Seeing is Believing
Book 4 - Unfaithfully Yours
Book 5 - Maid for Each Other

The Emotion Series

Short Story 1  Love
Short Story 2  Hate
Short Story 3  Betrayal
Short Story 4  Revenge
Short Story 5  Ambition
Short Story 6  Jealousy
Short Story 7  Obsession
Short Story 8  Injustice


Standalone books (in the works)


I can Write Romance, I Swear
The Idiot Savant of Dating
Stealing Romance



20170616

The Lady's Man - Irene's Story. Cat's friend and ex-girlfriend of Caleb. Did not make it into the book as shown here.

Irene Best - Three months ago  

The shade of the chestnut tree was heavenly and the two of us leaned against its thick trunk.
       "I think I'm pregnant," I said to Caleb never taking my eyes off my tired looking shoes as I did so.
My name is Irene Best, and I am dating the twenty five year old son of a Scottish minister. I am not pregnant. In my own childish way, I am testing my boyfriend to find out if he thinks enough of me to stick around, should I accidentally become pregnant. You don't have to tell me, it's shallow and deceptive at the same time. The truth is, I don't think I'm good enough for him. I have terrible insecurities. Throw in the fact that I've always wanted a large family when I get married, if I get married, and what do you have? A potential recipe for disaster that's what. He told me right from the start that he didn't want kids. Did I listen? Like all women 'hell bent' on being the only one who can change a man from the proverbial 'bad boy' into a doting husband with three or four kids, I chose to put him to the test.              
       "I'm going to wait one more week, then make an appointment with our family doctor," I said, running my fingers idly through a deep crease in the trunk of the chestnut tree.
Still no response from the man of my dreams.   Is he pondering the idea of marriage? More likely is the possibility that he is toying with the idea of giving me the boot. I wish he would just say something. Anything.
       "Of course I'll have to tell my parents, and I would appreciate it if you were there for support."
I want to make eye contact, but I can't afford to. For one thing, it should be guilt that keeps my head looking down. Looking up would be like having a 'tell' in poker, signaling the fact that I am bluffing. I desperately want to see his face and gauge how the news is affecting him, but I manage to fight the urge.
       "They're going to be terribly disappointed in me," I said, still looking at my feet.

I know what you're probably thinking. If he decides to stand by me, then I will go ahead and try to really get pregnant. This I won't do. If he commits and then finds out that I'm not pregnant, chances are he will still be one step closer to thinking about marriage having already considered it, am I right? That's the hand I'm betting on right now. Why doesn't he say something?
       "I would imagine your father will be equally devastated, what with him being a minister."
       "You know what?" he said, "you're absolutely right."
       "I am?" I said, taken aback at his sudden willingness to join in the conversation.
       "Absolutely," he confirmed, "let's go straight to your parents house and break the news together, just like you suggested."
       "I think it's probably best if we leave it for another week, just to make sure, don't you?"
       "Nonsense," he said, grabbing my hand and dragging me away from the shade of the chestnut tree.
       "Now that I think about it, I can't believe how excited I am at the prospect," he said with that tone of finality in his voice.

I should have been elated at his last remark. Why then was my stomach churning. What if I couldn't persuade him to wait another week just in case my 'fake overdue' period showed up? The chestnut tree was perhaps three hundred yards from my father's front door and at our current pace, no more than three minutes away from either me coming clean or him addressing my father. I had three minutes to persuade him to wait just long enough for me to 'find out' that I'm not pregnant.
       "I really, really think we should wait another week," I said, trying my best to keep the fear out of my voice, "my period has been known to be a month late. Really, it has."
       "Irene," he said, "I know your dad is going to be really pissed when I give him the news, but please don't try to dissuade me. As the man involved, it is my duty to give him the news, not yours."
       "That's okay," I begged, my voice close to breaking now, "you go home. Knowing my dad, that kind of news would probably be best coming from me, anyway."

He stopped in his tracks, my father's front door a mere hundred yards from where we stood.
       "What kind of man would I be if I let you do that Irene? He must be home, his car is parked outside, come on."
       "Okay, okay! I'm not pregnant, I was just... testing you." The world stopped turning right about then. At least my world did.
       "What!" he gasped, the sheer horror of the enormity of my betrayal etched all over his features. You would do that to me?"

Shakily I sat down on the warm pavement, my legs buckling from underneath me. I felt sick, and my oxygen supply seemed to have run out. I could hardly breathe. My eyes are darting everywhere as I search for a solution and try my best to salvage something from the nightmare I alone created.
       "I'm sorry," I  kept repeating, "it was only a bit of fun..."
       "Fun? This is your idea of fun? I'm sorry Irene, this changes everything. I would never have believed that a woman would put a man that she had any real respect for, through such an ordeal. I'm sorry, I can't handle this, it's just too... cruel."

There was nothing false about the tears that were coursing down my pale cheeks though. I begged. He stood his ground. I pleaded, and for a second it looked as if he was  reconsidering, then he shook his head. It was over, my bluff had been called. I ran the last hundred yards to my house and burst through the front door, leaving it swinging in my wake. It would be three weeks  and one overheard conversation later that made me realize that he had made up his mind to dump me long before I concocted up my idiotic plan. Now I felt doubly stupid. He had played me perfectly, letting me believe that my silly test had been my downfall. He must have had a good old laugh at my expense. I was wrong to do what I did, but I was in love. Clearly he never was.